Another Monday

Monday, March 21, 2011

Weight Lost: 1 pound

Breakfast: Mix of cheerios and frosted flakes, milk.

Snack: none

Lunch: Rest of my Philly Cheesesteak from last night with sweet potato fries with dip. Propel water.

Snack: None

Dinner: Pasta with chicken

Exercise: It was raining like cats and dogs this morning. My DH might do the rain thing but not me. I don’t really have the proper raincoat but maybe I should get one. Right now it’s cold but the sky is blue and it’s very cloudy. If it stays this way, I will probably try to walk around 5 or this evening when we take the dog. I’ll just make it a longer walk. Don’t care if they like it or not. Yeah, team.

Thoughts: The rain made the roof leak again today and that bums me out a lot. The DH says that it will all be okay and that they might have to change the roof to something easier to maintain. I like the tiles but have always hated the color. This really isn’t a tile type house at all.

I also just found out that I won a spot in the NASA Tweetup competition. You compete for a slot at the shuttle launch. I thought I’d try since this is a historical event. The last of its kind. Gotta talk to the DH tonight and see what he thinks. I have until Friday to confirm one way or another. Still, whether I go or not, it is very, very exciting.

I’ve also decided that Monday is going to be weigh in day and will post my weight loss at the top of the post before breakfast is even listed. I figure that this will keep me honest and start my week off. Bad or good, it is something all of us who are losing weight needs to do. It will also give me a moment to reflect on what I’ve done good or bad to make it happen.

Well since I lost a pound, I know I’m going in the right direction. Still, I had days when I couldn’t exercise, like today, and for the first time in a long time felt guilty I couldn’t do my walk. Exercise needs to be a part of everyone’s everyday life. Walking is best for me with a little free weights and that’s something I haven’t added here. I hate my arms and every other day, lift five pounds weights or do a workout with a shake weight. Don’t laugh, they seem to be doing the job as my arms are the biggest regret I have. See, they used to be Angelina Jolie arms; firm, smooth, just the right amount of muscle. Then bang. I get fat and they get horrid. Sigh. At least this is helping.

Lynn

Made It A Full Week

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Breakfast: 3 bacon, 3 danish, 2 glasses of milk

Snack: none

Lunch: 2 pieces of cheese, 10 wheat thins, chips and salsa

Snack: none

Dinner: ½ of a Philly Cheesesteak sandwich, sweet potato fries, cup of soup, coffee and water

Exercise: Day off and I felt bad about not exercising but everything I’ve read says when you’re overweight, you need to ease into it. The day was cold, dreary and raining at times. I don’t do well in any of those situations, so I decided to not do anything. If tomorrow is the same, tough because I will exercise anyway.

Thoughts: Well, yippee! I’ve actually made it a full week of writing down what I eat and posting all my exercise. This time should definitely be different, very different.

Today was an interesting day. My father asked me to change his airline ticket but I couldn’t. My husband wanted me to get the older one over early but I couldn’t. I finally had to remind everyone that I couldn’t control any of them as they would all do whatever they wanted. Not sure if they got it or not as there are days I swear they all think I’m a miracle worker.

Sure, I have been known to fix some things but I can’t fix everything. Heck, look at me...does anyone think I want to be overweight? No, I’ve tried to fix it over and over and over again. I’m not lazy. I don’t overeat by and large. I exercise a fair amount when compared to other people in my age group. Yet the scale remains unaffected for a long, long time. Then after a while, a pound or two will come off. Surely there is some way other than total starvation to get this weight off.

Yes, starvation works as that was pretty much what I was doing with HCG. Some would tell me to go down this path because at least I was getting results. Right. I just love a 500-800 calorie a day diet. Yes, I’ve proved that I can do it for a short amount of time and maybe doing that for a week would work. BUT...it is not...nor should it ever be considered a viable way to live the rest of my life.

The real key is moderation in everything and figuring out just what makes my metabolism work well, fast and efficient. I’ll be reading a few books here in the next couple of weeks and I’ll let you all know exactly what I’ve found out about metabolism in general. If I do run across any helpful hints, rest assured that I will be passing them along to you all as well.

Lynn

When You Eat Out

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Breakfast: Egg and cup of coffee.

Snack: Nothing.

Lunch: Chicken Tequila Fetticini with coffee and water. This was good and the portion just perfect, not too much, not too little. I’ll be full for a long, long time.

Snack: Nothing.

Dinner: This was actually broken down in two because I went to a movie. Had a bag of plain popcorn, a box of Skiddles and a large water. Once home, had a jr. bacon cheeseburger and bacon cheddar potato wedges from Jack. Probably more than I needed but good all the same.

Exercise: 50 minutes of a long walk. It was cold and dreary today. Hope it’s not that way tomorrow or worse, raining. I won’t miss any day but Wednesday. Sigh. I feel good and rejuvenated for once. The day doesn’t look so bad.

Thoughts: Early AM, like 12:30 AM - Today already has me bummed and it’s not really started yet. I have a conflict that must be resolved and it’s been eating me alive these past few days. Don’t know what else to say except that it will be finished one way or another today.

The walk in the morning helped me to focus my mind even though it was dreary and almost made me late for my meeting. They decided to start it early and I didn’t get notified until this morning as I refused to get down by looking at the emails. I don’t know what I was so worried about because everything turned out great. The speaker was wonderful and the issue worked itself out.

The movie was fantastic as well. Went with the youngest, my friend, my goddaughter and another kid who has been the youngest’s best friend since he was little. The movie was absolutely fantastic and can’t wait to go with another one.

Lynn

Day Five & I’m Still Going

Friday, March 18, 2011

Breakfast: Scrambled eggs, ½ sausage, 2 pieces of toast with butter, coffee

Snack: none

Lunch: Big Mac, Fries and ice tea

Snack: none

Dinner: about 6 pieces of pizza, water

Exercise: Got up and walked with the DH today as he has it off. He went jogging first with the dog rested for about five minutes then we went. It was my normal walk I do with my iPod and took us about 47 minutes. There were moments I wish I ‘d gone myself but at least it’s done and I got home fine. Just some of those discussions we have, makes me wonder. Sigh.

Thoughts: I love Big Macs. When I was a teenager, they had the commercial on where you’d get a free one if you sang it when you ordered. I sang it so many times, they finally banned me getting them free at our local MacDonald’s. The thing is that I rarely eat them any more because they are a lot of calories. Tons matter of fact. But they remind me of such a happy time in my childhood, I can’t always resist them. When I grew up, we had Big Boy’s and the Big Mac’s were so similar to them when they came out, I gravitated to them. Reason: Nevada only had one Big Boy resturuant and we would only go about once a year when we first got out here. My substitute was the Big Mac.

Yes, I’ll have to walk a little further tomorrow morning but it will be worth it. LOL!

Lynn

What Am I Doing?

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Breakfast: nothing

Snack: nothing

Lunch: Leftovers from anniversary dinner – penne pasta with chicken and a vodka cream sauce + can of diced tomatoes, salt & hot sauce

Snack: nothing

Dinner: Chicken 1800 – penne pasta with a cream sauce loaded with peppers, chicken and spices

Exercise: 45 minute walk with the DH through our little town. Little bit of a departure from usual walk but nice none the less. Showed me lots of places we could walk to uptown and eat or drink. The southwest comes alive in the spring as it’s a good time from outside dining.

Thoughts: It’s hard to articulate my thoughts today. I’m tired and have slept for most of the afternoon. The DH swears he tried to get me up for a walk this morning but I remember the conversation and I don’t think he tried hard enough. I should be getting up with him then doing my own thing but I can’t do it if I’m not gotten up. Yeah, I know the proper response would be that I should be setting my own alarm and it doing it on my own. Mornings have never been my thing and until we went to Europe together, I would have rebelled if he’d tried to get me up to exercise.

But Europe showed me a side of myself I hadn’t seen in years. I can get up early if I need to do so and apparently, I needed to start my day with exercise. Now it doesn’t really matter when I get up, I just need to make sure the exercise is done so I can enjoy my day. Enough said.

Lynn

Day Three & Still Going

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Breakfast: nothing

Snack: nothing

Lunch: 2 sirloin sliders from Jack, bacon-cheddar-potato wedges, and ice tea plus about 5 big fries. Couldn’t eat it all and put some away for dinner tonight. Lots of ice tea and water.

Snack: nothing

Dinner: 2 onion rings, last slider from Jack, about 25 fires and hot sauce. Lots of water and coffee.

Exercise: Today is Wednesday and I don’t exercise much at all today. Had to have one day off so I can recoup and since the DH and I walk together on the weekends, mid-week was the logical choice. I will walk around the block with the DH and the dog later tonight but nothing formal like I normally do.

Thoughts: I stayed up way too late last night to write and do my own thing but that’s why I like Wednesdays. It’s my day. Or at least it normally is. Sigh. College is having their spring break and my Dad is staying with us for a while. Normally, today was the day I did a lot of research for my books. Right. I don’t want them walking in on me and questioning why I’m doing what I’m doing. I question myself enough as it is. So, today really isn’t quite my day but I’ll make it work.

One thing I have noticed is that I’ll have a day where I eat a lot and then for the next few I’m barely hungry. Yesterday, my stomach growled morning till night. Each time it growled, I feed it, so it seemed as if I was eating all day. Now today, I didn’t have a growl or groan one and if the guys hadn’t wanted to eat, I probably wouldn’t have had anything until lunch. Go figure.

Also, the insomnia is killing me. I’ve got to get sleep if I’m exercising daily. Tonight this is being post when I’m going to bed. This is not good, 3 am is not a great time to just start sleeping. Last night, I didn’t get in bed until 4 am and then only slept around 6 hours. Sigh. I’ve got to get over this and it’s not because of what I’m eating or drinking. Personally, I think it’s all hormonal.

Lynn

A Silver Anniversary

Today is my silver anniversary and a very interesting day. The Ides of March. The day Caesar was killed but a very special day for me and my husband.

Lots of things went wrong that day. We forgot the license, I cussed in the church but overall it went off without a hitch and we’ve been blessed ever since.

Yes, he still does drive me crazy but considering the alternatives out there, I’d say I have a keeper. Need I say more?

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Breakfast: Piece of pepper jack cheese, bowl of honey nut cheerios and about a 1.5 c of milk. Yum. Large cup of coffee.

Snack: Geez. I had a whole other breakfast as I was starved. I had a scrambled egg bowl from Jack, 3 of the hash browns and an orange juice. I shouldn’t be hungry for hours. Sigh.

Lunch: Left over chicken salad from last night. Couldn’t eat but 2/3 of the stuff as some had gone bad.

Snack: None

Dinner: Baked Italian bread with oil and balsamic, sautéed mushrooms, pasta fagoli soup, penne with chicken and a vodka cream sauce. Again, I couldn’t finish all the dinner so I brought half of it home. Coffee and water to drink.

Exercise: The walk was a little long today than expected. I actually thought I would take less time but it seems like I took a little more. Or I didn’t start when I thought I did. Supposedly we started at 6:40 and I got back at 7:45. But the songs that played only tallied up to only 46:32, which means I must have left a lot later than my husband. Oops. LOL!

Thoughts: Felt terrible as Gordon came home earlier bearing gifts. For some reason, I didn’t even feel good enough to go out and get him a card today. Told him what I plan to do for his gift, fix his expensive watch, and get him a belated card. It was a wonderful day full of remembrances.

Lynn

Ugh – Here We Go Again

How many times have I talked on this blog about losing weight? How many times have I started and then stopped?

Well, last time, I was doing the HCG diet and I did really well on it. I lost over 30 pounds on the 30 days I was on the program. As of this date, I actually gained back almost 20 of those pounds. Why? I think it was a variety of things. One is that I got back to regular eating. For those who don’t remember, the HCG diet involves a very low calorie diet of about 500 calories a day. I would actually adjust mine is needed but stayed within the 500-800 calorie range.

It was a good thing for me to do as it got me to thinking about how I needed to really do the whole mind-body-spirit thing. Everything must be in sync for a program to work. Period. Eating very little isn’t necessarily in sync with world view. Don’t get me wrong, I have enough fat to sustain me for the short haul but over the long term, it probably isn’t a very good thing.

This time, I think it will be different. Again, you may ask why when you look at my history. Well fuck history. No, I’m not talking about history the big picture but history the personal picture. I know that those who disregard history are destined to repeat it. And that’s just it. I’m not disregarding it at all I’m embracing it.

Yes, I’m fat right now. Get over it. Yes, I want to lose weight starting right now. Get on with it. Yes, I’m basically a healthy person. Get on with improving that aspect. I need to do, not talk. I need to embrace that diets don’t really work and work on what works for me. I am a unique individual with unique needs. I know me and my body best. I know what works for me.

And some thing miraculous happened. Recently, I went on a trip to Vienna, Austria with my husband. Vienna works on the premise that most people use public transportation or their feet to get around. So every day I was walking to all my destinations or to the public transportation. Also, every morning, I got up with my husband and went down to the gym to walk 30 minutes on the treadmill.

I ate differently in Europe. For breakfast, I would have scrambled eggs, bacon, a small bowl of cereal and tons of water and juice. For lunch, if I ate it would be soup or a sandwich. When we’d go out to dinner, we’d walk to a resturuant and walk back. The only thing I wanted and didn’t get would be salad. I didn’t get as much as I wanted at all. Otherwise, I ate just until full and no more. I also ate anything and everything I wanted. Desserts were special while I was there. Most of the time I couldn’t finish it at all because the sweet stuff would get to me. But I would also trudge back to the hotel room once we were done.

It was amazing. Because of the change in diet and the added exercise, I lost about ten pounds. Right now, you can’t really tell because a lot of that was transferred into lean muscle mass and my body didn’t shift in how it looks very much. But it feels a heck of a lot better.

So what I’m going to do with this blog daily is include what I ate, estimate how much it was, how much I exercise and when, and maybe a paragraph or two on how I felt. We’ll see as one of my major, and I mean major, problems happen to be is I get bored. I get bored with most things I do, which is why I need to do a lot of things. That way, I can shift from one thing to another.

If I survive a week doing this, I really will have a great chance this time. Here goes:

Monday, March 14, 2011

Breakfast: Bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios, 1.5 c of milk, coffee

Lunch: Chips & Dip, Taco Burrito with sauce and sour cream

Snack: Garlic Salsa & 1 serving of tortilla chips

Dinner: 1/3 of a chicken salad, dressing on the side, with avocado, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes and olives.

Exercise: Today I walked 46 minutes along the streets of the town I live in. It was brutal in the beginning as it was uphill. Once at the top the rest was flat or downhill until the last block that had a gentle rise. I put on my wrist weights and iPod and off I went. Yeah.

Thoughts: I’ve said all I’m going to say above.

Lynn

Day #3 With HCG

Okay, here I am with day #3 and I’m not quite sure what to make of it. Yes, it’s a very low calorie diet but so far, so good.

I started the day with the drops, a couple of coffee or two and the ever present apple. Again, there is some controversy about what fruits you can and can’t have. I’m sticking to apples because I have a lot of them from an orchard but apparently, you can also do an orange or two handfuls of strawberries. So one has some choices.

Oh, and I stepped on the scale today. Another pound. I really don’t get it but it’s working and I’ll keep going. After all, it is only day three and like I had said at the beginning as well as to my husband, I can do anything for thirty days. It was either the weight or my sanity. Guess what won.

For lunch, I have a salad with my four ounces of chicken. I load it up with onions, broccoli and cumcumbers for a nice large meal. The one thing I can’t do is not to have some flavoring on it. So I do something they will tell you is a strict no-no. I pull out my Newman’s Own Balsamic salad dressing and take the two tablespoon serving, add an equal amount of water on it and bang. I have enough flavor for a huge salad.

I’ve heard of where people get really irritable with this type of diet. So far, so good for me. I seem to be full all the time as I could not find any portion limits on things like lettuce. I know I haven’t been hungry nor grumpy. I’m sure it will come because I have been known to be very grumpy when deprived of my favorite foods. But then again, doesn’t everyone do that? LOL!

Now, for dinner, I basically have the same thing. I won’t mind this for a few days. I think. It will wear off soon as I love meat and potatoes and lots of veggies. Sigh. I’m dreaming of food I can’t have. This isn’t good. LOL!

Talk to you all tomorrow as I move along this journey!

Lynn

Loading Up: Day #2

Today is another loading day as well. Again, I get to eat anything and everything I want. This has its own pitfalls as I ate everything I wanted yesterday. This is the second day on the drops and I just don’t feel hungry at all. If this is what they are supposed to do, then this is truly amazing.

I have my last bowl of cereal for a while, frosted mini-wheats, and savor the milk. I know this is what I’ll miss most. I love milk and cheese and in most cases, I do everything in moderation. In reading an article about obesity, I found something I’ve always known. Overweight people by and large don’t overeat, they under eat in most cases. Some don’t like sweets, that’s me and unless I’m PMSing I don’t like them one bit. I don’t PMS anymore because I’ve done the menopause thing but I do have my moments. Here’s the article and I’d love to know what you think: http://tinyurl.com/ObesityArticle  

In this article, they talk about every way to lose weight, from very low calorie diets to bariatric surgery. They leave nothing out and talk about studies old and new. While those things are pertinent if you are writing a thesis, for the layperson, they are useless. People want facts and figures of what happened to Aunt Jo down the street. This is one reason I’m doing this blog, so people can have a real insight to someone who is living this weight loss plan.

I decide before breakfast, I’m going to weigh and feel yucky about it already. There is no way I could have lost any weight. I didn’t overeat but I most definitely didn’t watch calories either. Pulling out the scale, I put it down in the exact places as yesterday then nearly fall off it when I look down. I step off so I can see it better...nah...that can’t be.

I tap it again so I can get back on it. Yup, I’m really not blind and it did say what it did. I lost a pound and all I did was not eat as much as before. I didn’t even take a walk to day and that’s amazing. Then I try to remember what I was wearing for clothes...I think my nightshirt...whereas today I’m wearing underwear and a tank top. That must be it, the clothes are different.

If I have lost a pound, it’s truly amazing. If I haven’t I’ll find out tomorrow. But today, I’ll eat my heart out. For lunch, I ask the youngest where he wants to go and he decides on Jack. I try to picture what I’ll be eating and couldn’t decide when I got there. I finally got Bacon Cheddar Potato Wedges and their Buffalo Sliders. That should do me.

Yeah, that should do me all right. I bring it all home. Since I want to have the sliders as well, I decide to share the wedges with my youngest. He happily took whatever I gave him. I was practically full after just two and a little of the cheese. Then I could barely choke down just one and a half of the three sliders. This was not like me. I was used to clearing my plate or placing the rest in the fridge. I just wasn’t interested and that in itself is interesting.

Tonight I had critique group so we had our usual, salad and pizza. The pizza we have is called ‘The Works’ and it’s just yummy but one and a half pieces was it along with one plate of salad with minimal dressing. Again, this is not normal but I’m just not hungry. This should be a good thing.

I still haven’t started walking and know I need to take some pictures for you all during this journey. Believe me, I will. I’m still in awe that I’m not hungry and lost a pound.

Lynn

Loading Up: Day #1

So, it takes me two days to get the HCG Platinum drops from the local GNC because they don’t carry them. The manager was kind enough to pick up a package in town then bring them out so I could purchase them. I also loaded up on liquid B12 because it is recommended to use at the same time.

Once I had the hot little box in my hand for the first time, which was yesterday, I pulled it all out and looked at the contents. I read the little booklet as well as talked to my DH and made him read it. I don’t want anyone here being blindsided when I eat only salads, very little meat and apples. Yeah, the diet is that restrictive.

Except the first two days. Today I get to eat anything I want. At first, I was shocked by this but understood after a while. I you eat everything you want, there should be no cravings for those things while you’re in your thirty days of hell. LOL! That maybe true for some people but not me, if I really want it, there is nothing on this earth, which will stop me from getting it. People say I have no willpower but I think that’s hogwash. It’s not because I really want it sometimes nor need it. I just have to have it. Go figure.

So today, I had that bacon and eggs and Danish. I filled up on breakfast, which is one of my favorite meals because I didn’t know when I would be able to have another egg or bacon. I didn’t overeat which is definitely in my favor but I did eat what I wanted.

We went out with the family to a favorite place and again, I ate what I wanted. I savored each smell and taste. I contemplated desert because again, I didn’t know when I’d get a chance for another. I decided to get a sundae from Dairy Queen as a treat.

At dinnertime, we had Taco Bell because Mexican food is my all time favorite. It is the exact cause of my first 50 pound weight gain. And I will always need to be careful with it when I am totally off the plan.

Ten minutes before every meal, I do ten drops. They taste a little nasty because it has a high alcohol content but it’s not intolerable.

And I weighed today. I don’t want to think about it because this is the most I have ever weighed in my life. I really don’t know why I ever let myself gain this much weight. Yeah, I’ll tell you some day just not today.

Wish me luck. See you tomorrow!


Lynn

Making A Decision

I know that many people will say that I’m copping out and doing something crazy. I’ve done crazier things will less motivation.

After reading all the documentation, I’ve decided I’m going to try HCG. Along with this comes a very low calorie diet (VLCD), which is the only thing scary about this at all. The HCG product does not stay in your body after 44 days in the form it will be taken. You also are not recommend to take the drops or do the diet for any longer than 26 days with two loading days at the beginning and two weaning off days at the end. I can do anything for 30 days, anything at all.

Sure, the movie Supersize Me shows what can happen to one when eating nothing but fast food. Most fast food is laden with bad fat as well as other questionables. It’s no wonder that you could do horrible damage by eating nothing but fast food for a month. I would probably die doing something like this.

With this VLCD, you are eating good food and I’ve looked the plan over and over again. I will adjust it as needed and will stop immediately if I notice a problem. I will not, nor cannot at my current weight, starve. But my body might rebel because I’m not eating much. But unlike anorexics I will be eating. I love food and I just need to get to a reasonable weight before I can enjoy it again.

This whole program has to be done in steps. Each losing phase is approximately 30 days, though one can do a 15 day increment if they just want to try it out. After those thirty days, you must go on a maintenance plan for 2-6 weeks to stabilize your weight as well as show your body you have no intention of starving it.

I will also be taking a whole regimen of vitamins I’ve taken for years and blogging about my progress every day.

I know my body and I know when too much is too much. But the weight has got to go because I honestly think it will kill me before this diet even has a change. I’ve ordered my drops from the local GNC today instead of going to one of the many clinics who use this weight loss method. The main reason is cost. The clinics are much more than I want to spend right now and with my medical knowledge I feel confident in knowing what I’m doing.

Plus my family is in on this with me. I had to tell them otherwise it would have been a useless journey as I will need their help. I’ll still have to go to family Sunday lunches, I’ll still need to go to parties I’m invited to as well as have holidays roll around like July 4th which will be during my first week.

I don’t think this will be easy but I think it will be enlightening. I'll see how I do this first leg before I make any decisions to move on to another 30 days.

I’ll start blogging daily the moment I start which should be within the next few days.

Lynn

Research On HCG

Okay, I’m not one for fads here nor am I one to do something because everyone is doing it. But this stuff seems to be amazing...too amazing when you think about it. How can anything promise that you might lose a pound a day?

The more I read about this, the more I don’t understand. It is a homeopathic drug. I know and respect homeopathic anything as they should be treated like any other drug a doctor might give you. This has a history attached to it and most fad diets don’t. In 1957, a British endocrinologist, Dr. A.D.W. Simeons started to give his patients human chorionic gonadotrophin. This is the female hormone which the body tosses out in the beginning of pregnancy in the urine. During the pregancy, it is use in various ways.

So, what does it have to do with weight loss? Apparently, this Dr. Simeons used it on some male patients for another disorder entirely and noted they lost weight. Huge amounts of weight. Eventually, the normal medical establishment made him stop defending his claims and using the drug in an unauthorized manner. He was using pure HCG at the time through injections.

Today’s HCG is completely homeopathic and everyone is unsure how it works or why in the weight loss arena. But it does according to a lot of people I’ve talked to and this means I’ve got to do even more research before I just jump in with both feet.

Still, I’m eating right and maintaining my weight even though I’m up there in numbers I don’t care for at this time. I have to do something and I’m not sure what since nothing seems to work.

More on this later....

Lynn

Another Birthday

Today I turn 52 and when one gets to be my age, you tend to reflect a little more than you might have a few years ago.

This year, while it’s been wonderful overall, there have been a few pitfalls. This year, I became a grandmother to two wonderful little boys. They are cut and special and were born premature at about eight months. They arrived in March then stayed in the hospital for almost three weeks after that. It was a special day when they came home and their parents have been spoiling them ever since.

It’s also been a year of some career ups and down but it will come around eventually. Basically, I had lost my spark for writing but it’s been found again and I’m pounding the keys once more.

The final thing would have to be my weight. As all of you know, this has been the year where I said I would commit to losing all this crappy weight which is hanging on my body. But nothing seemed to work and still really hasn’t. I’ve lost one or two or five then gained one or two or five back. That’s not a healthy thing to do but a yo-yo.

But today, I happened to see an old friend of mine in the grocery store. She had been on this same journey as well and even shared it to me. As we stood talking I told her just how good she looked and asked her what she was doing. She told me about this plan which used the homeopathic drops called HCG and then she went on to tell me a little about what it did for her. She lost thirty pounds in about forty-five days and that you could lose a pound a day.

A pound a day?!? Are you kidding? I decided right then and there I would be going home and researching this product.

The best part? She hasn’t been hungry but she hasn’t gone on maintenance yet and plans to soon.

I’ll keep you all posted.

Lynn

Starting Anew

Okay...I haven’t blogged for two weeks...I know, I know. But with the holidays...who has time?

And as expected, I back slid a little bit and I’m not happy about it. I’ve gained an inch on my abdomen and gained a pound and depending what part of the day I weigh, it can be more. Sigh.

Holidays are hard and while it’s not an excuse it is a reason. I could have done what I’ve done in the past and gain half of what I lost before the season but this time I didn’t. I can contribute the whole gain to me eating more salt, more cookies than I did all year and the worst of all, NO EXERCISE. If I would have just kept up my walks, I would have probably kept the weight off.

Then there is the fact that we ate out this last two weeks more than normal since I had the husband and teenager home. Eating out can be just as hazardous as the holidays.

So, what am I doing to combat this sudden upward trend?

Well, the first thing is I stepped on the scale today. Horrid as it may seem, I did it and was immediately depressed. My fault totally. Then yesterday, I started again with the food diary as it is the main thing that will get me back on track.

And I was immediately shocked when a restaurant meal came up to a whopping 1500 calories. Heavens! The only good thing is that I did almost two hours of walking yesterday, first in the mall and during shopping, then another forty minutes in the evening to start my trend back up. I also lifted weights and did my crunches. I hate crunches. Sigh. A necessary evil if I want to get that flat belly once again.

Still, all in all, the holiday season was wonderful. I received great gifts and had a great time off from life. Now it’s time to get back to it.

See ya next week!

Lynn

The Numbers Game

Yeah, I know...it’s been two weeks...and I’m sure you’re wondering if I’ve lost my motivation.


Well, I almost did. See, two weeks ago I woke up and knew, just knew deep in my heart that I hadn’t lost one iota. Nada, zilch, nothing. At least, that’s what my body told me and as I have a good habit of listening to my body, I was really down in the dumps.

So I got up and put off eating as long as I could. I always get on the scales the first thing out of bed and compensate for the clothes I wear before getting on that scale. Now, some people are fanatics and weigh every day. I would be a basket case if I did something like that so I just weigh in weekly on Mondays when I get up.

It’s worked well over the years as it can bring a much needed boost to a weight loss program. Or it can be the start of a downward spiral. I always figured it better to start at the beginning of the week until waiting till the weekend to screw it up. I mean, who wants to go into a weekend knowing they can’t eat one darn thing.

So last week, I hopped on the scale and surprise of all surprises, I lost 1.1 pounds. Obviously, I didn’t feel different and I only lost a quarter of an inch off my belly, so I had to think really hard just where it might have gone. All I could think of is that I am finally replacing some of my fat with muscle because out of all the things I didn’t do that week, the one thing I did do every day was walk.

Yeah, I haven’t been very good in keeping the food diary which is par for the course this time of year as is a slide back. But this time, I was determined to move forward even though the season says we shouldn’t. The one thing I have done is to totally listen to my body signals about hunger, exercise and if I hurt anywhere or not. In the past, I’ve let real and imagined transgressions get in my way. But not this time.

In all honesty, the only thing I didn’t do was write this blog but when I finally realized I hadn’t, it was already Friday.

Now, onto this week. This week I had two, count them, two parties. One was my writers’ group Christmas party and the other was my daughter-in-law’s birthday. Now the birthday, I had more control over as we were going to one of my favorite restaurants. Here, I always order exactly what I want and take 75% of it home as the portions are huge. It’s just way too much food but since this is my normal routine, it wasn’t a problem and I didn’t overeat at all.

The Christmas party was another matter. It was potluck and while the dishes are always wonderful, you really have no control over what type of food is brought. While the variety was great, all the dishes were rich and luscious meaning not very good for a diet. Since I wanted to taste everything, I took a spoonful which would allow me to have at least one bite of each dish. I took a little more of the chili since that was my husband’s and my dish and I know exactly what went into it. The other thing, I had no dessert since nothing appealed to me. I didn’t go back for seconds then but did have some more chili when I got home as each of my meals were skimpy during the course of the day.

One thing to remember during this season or any other for that matter, always eat until you’re full. No more, no less. If you can remember this one simple rule, it will serve you well over the course of your weight loss program. Me, I didn’t listen to my own rule and ate about 5-6 smaller meals that day. Normally, I eat my biggest meal in the middle of the day and a lighter one in the evening. This past Saturday, I am sure I consumed much more than I needed to consume but obviously not enough to tip the scale in a negative way.

But again, I walked more days than not and that served me well with the weight loss. I also removed another .75 inches off my waist. And this is the measurement which really has me jazzed because belly size is one of those things health professionals look at when evaluating you from a health perspective. So far, I have lost 10.6 pounds and 5 inches off my waist. Those are incredible numbers for anyone.

I know I don’t talk much about the tools I use to track this part of my journey. I track my food intake not only on line but with a hard copy book from The Calorie King (www.thecalorieking.com) called the Food and Exercise Diary. This little book is very comprehensive with columns for calories, in and out as well as for carbs and fat if you are tracking those as well. Calories out is your exercise and these do come right off the top. At the bottom of the page, you record your fluid intake, the total number of steps for the day as well as any thoughts.

The reason I like this book is because it works on so many levels. No matter what you’re tracking, what diet you’re on, this book can record it. It is also a convenient size to be able to carry any where you go. It has useful tips and hints in the beginning. But the biggest reason I love this book, it goes strictly by the numbers: calories in – calories out = weight loss/gain. And since I’m a numbers kinda gal, it makes perfect sense to me.

Dieting is basically a numbers game, no ifs ands or buts. It takes 3500 more to add a pound, it takes 3500 calories less to remove a pound. What could be more simple than that? You must burn more calories than you take in to lose any weight. To lose a pound a week, you must reduce your calorie intake 500 points OR you must burn off 500 calories that you take in.

It’s not rocket science and most people can do the simple math. When we get rid of all the emotional baggage associated with that weight, the numbers become numbers again. Whether we want to believe it or not, our fat insulates us from things that scare us. Now, I’ve slowly gained the weight over the years but it wasn’t until I wrote the column on body image, that I really looked at the point I started my weight gain.

I had a great body and I wasn’t ugly, so what was the deal? I think part of it was I knew my husband loved me and I knew other men looked at me. I think I equated other men with temptation and decided I’d remove myself from that equation all together. Basically, I didn’t trust me nor didn’t trust my reactions to life at the time.

And to be honest, the only time in my life where I’ve ever had emotional eating was the year my youngest was diagnosed as a Type 1 Diabetic. That year cost me another 40-50 pounds and I watched everyone of them go on and didn’t know how to stop it at all. I just kind retreated in my shell and ate everything he couldn’t any more. It was six months of stress before we found him a good doctor and before I started eating sanely again and food became food once again.

This is my last column before the holiday. May the season bring all the joys and none of the heartbreak to your weight loss journey. Have a great Christmas! Next week, I’ll talk more on the different tools I use as I’ve definitely got my motivation back. See you all then!


Lynn

Baby Steps

Today, I didn’t know what to expect stepping on the scale. I had been not so good about writing it all down this week and know this can become a huge problem for me. To further complicate the issue, it has turned horrendously cold here and with today’s rain, it’s going to hamper my exercise routine. I might actually have to go to the gym to do my walking on a treadmill.

Not that I don’t have my own treadmill, I just don’t want to set it up in the back room where the expensive bamboo flooring is located. We’ve already seen what can happen when kids jump around in chairs on it...imagine what a large woman on a treadmill can do..oiy vey! Yeah, I say that a lot and I’m not even Jewish. LOL!

But seriously I have trepidation today as I go ready to step on the scale. The first time I stepped on, it showed a .4 pound gain. I was devestated then I remembered that normally weigh with just a t-shirt on. So despite the cold, my husband keeps it a cool 66 in the winter, I shucked everything except my t-shirt and underwear. And I was so glad I did so as the weight loss was 1.1 pounds. Yippee! I had managed to keep going down despite my backsliding.

Then I had to do my waist measurement. For those of you who don’t realize it, your waist measurement can be more important than your overall weight because it is a strong predictor of cardiovascular disease. Just to be sure you understand I’m not pulling your leg or anything, here are a few links to some articles on the subject:

http://www.medscape.com/viewarticle/529324

http://www.righthealth.com/Health/Body%20Measurement-s?lid=goog-ads-sb-8536643334

http://health.msn.com/weight-loss/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100173487

http://www.cutthewaist.com/

Those articles are very useful when trying to figure out just where your waist needs to be in relation to your weight. In general, a woman’s waist needs to be less than 31.50 inches for you to be considered healthy. I’ve got about 15.5 inches to go which seems like a lot when you look at it but when you consider I have lost 4 inches in 5 weeks, it doesn’t seem an impossible task. Although, I will say from here on out, unless I put my nose to the grindstone, it will be harder to get weekly numbers.

As of today, I have also lost 5.9 pounds in the same amount of time. It’s certainly not the 25 I had wanted to lose my first five weeks, but a respectable pound a week. One of my friends told me I wouldn’t need to have any skin reduction surgery if I went slow and steady. She may be right but I sure wish it could be 2 pounds a week or more. How about 5 even, that would be fantasitc!

But it is the reason I titled this column baby steps. Sometimes it will take a large number of small, incremental changes to equal the big ones. If we don’t make those small changes and keep building on them, we will never move forward. And I've obviously got a good start since I'm still blogging, still thinking about it and still moving forward.

Yeah, I might not have kept my diet diary for a week but I can guarantee I thought about every bit of food which went into my mouth and realized I was starting to stray. What I did do weekly was take my weight and my waist measurement and record them in my diet diary. So first thing this morning, I pulled it out and wrote down my breakfast. Then I wrote down my lunch.

Yeah, Baby Steps.

See you all next week!


Lynn

A Great Monday

Okay, so I’m blogging on Tuesday. Shoot me already...LOL!

Yeah, I should have done it yesterday but after the writing binge and the fact we went away for the holiday, I just couldn’t sit in front of this machine any longer than I needed to do so. Once everything was done, I decided to just relax and promptly fell asleep on the couch.

Now, as far as weight loss, I had a wonderful weekend. Holidays are always so traumatic for most but this year I decided to temp it all with plenty of exercise. I also didn’t restrict myself from anything as we went to a posh buffet at my husband’s uncle’s golf club in San Francisco. When my daughter-in-law asked how much I though member ship was, I told her it was more than she wanted to think about. The look on her face was priceless as I don’t think until that moment she understood just how well off my husband’s family is. It took me many years to understand just which fork to use but eventually I got over it and started to enjoy myself.

And on that note, the food was fantastic. I loaded up on the greens and added a lot of veggies so I would be full before I went back for the main course. It works as I only had a little of the turkey, beef, small amount of the mash potatoes and more greens. I did save enough room for the tiniest sliver of pumpkin pie as for me it is a must at this holiday.

The way I compensated for this massive meal was I allowed, notice I say allowed, my husband and his family walk me to death before it happened. His parents walk 3-5 miles every day and I went with them on most of those walks this weekend. The only one I missed was the one in the pouring rain as it was a cool rain and I knew no shower would get the dampness out of my bones. Still, all those walks made up for eating more than normal, the drive through food eaten on the way up and back as well as the lack of exercise on travel days.

Was I rewarded for this diligent behavior this weekend? You bet I was! I lost 1.8 pounds and another .5 inches off my waist. It doesn’t get any better than that!

Hope you all have a great week! See you next one!

Lynn

Positive Small Changes

I am sitting here today wondering why I feel so horrible about what I did last week as far as my journey. I succeed in cutting another 50 calories a day off my totals as well as increase my daily steps. I also cut off another inch from my belly which is a big Yippee! for me.

Yet, the scale didn’t budge. Or at least, I don’t think it did. I just replaced the batteries in my old Weight Watcher one and decided to give it a try. And I hated the numbers. Hated it more than the fact I was allowing myself a handful of smarties a day because if I didn’t, the whole bag would be in my stomach by now. And that would do no one any good.

I need to revel in what I did do right, not wallow in the one thing that didn’t happen.

I did record all my food this week.

I did exercise every day except one.

I lifted weights three times this week.

I did reduce my waist by another inch.

I did reduce my average calorie intake by another 50 calories.

I did write this blog again even though I felt like I didn’t accomplish one thing.

When I list them all out like this, it makes me realize how silly it is for me being worried that the scale didn’t move this week. I’ll have lots of weeks where the scales won’t move and lots of weeks where I’m going to have to remind myself of all the positive things I have done.

It might be hard but I have to do this for myself. Forget about everything else, remember to do it for me.

Until next week.

Lynn

A Bad Case of Body Image

Okay, I’ve been fighting this battle of the bulge all my life and wondered just what was wrong with me, why I couldn’t lose weight. I had tried all sorts of methods, everything in the world to just get rid of enough of my excess weight to get to a point where I felt healthy, where I knew I wouldn’t keel over dead.

Now the keeling over dead can actually happen to you no matter how healthy you are, so I had to quickly knock that one off my list. See, I have a friend who is the healthiest person ever according to her lifestyle. She jogs two to three times a week, takes daily walks, swims, bikes, you name it in the area of exercise. And she eats right, always has by watching it and writing it down. It was her who reminded me the only time I had ever really lost weight was when I wrote it all down and exercised every day.

Then about four years ago, she had chest pain and went to the ER to find herself in a full blown heart attack. The next day she had open heart surgery and now she is almost back to where she was before the surgery. See, unbeknownst to her, her ancestors had heart disease so when her parents lived a healthy lifestyle and died in the eighties, she never thought it could hit her. But hit her it did with a sledgehammer.

So, I started looking at pictures and wondered just what type of body I really wanted. I thought if I could just some positive pictures in my mind of how I wanted to look, it would help me along this journey. It didn’t take me long to realize that I wanted a body similar to this:

Or this:

Why? Because in my mind, both these pictures represent what I thought was a positive body image. Both look healthy and trim and just a little bit sexy in my mind. In my books, I’m mainly thinking about women who look something like these pictures because I think they look good. And good is great where heroine are concerned.

Then just last week, I started looking at some old pictures of me that my husband had scanned in for my fiftieth birthday and my amazement of what I saw blindsided me. All my life I had thought I was a chubby fat girl even though I would tell everyone I was thin and I wore a size eleven. But the problem was even though I said these things, I didn’t believe them one little bit.

Now pictures don’t lie and as I flipped through the photos, I realized the body under the wedding dress looked just like the person’s body in picture number one. I saw that my legs and arms were just as skinny and firm as those I sought to use as my uplifting image. For more than a minute, I realized I had the body I wanted but like the old saying goes, I couldn’t see the forest for the trees. See for yourself:

Why do we beat ourselves up on how we look, only to realize years later if we could just get back there, things would be better? I don’t know but it is something I’m going to work on in the coming weeks as I go from overweight to healthy. Yeah, the old terms, even though they may be the truth, don’t motivate me in the least.

And this week. I am definitely motivated. So how well on my goals did I do you many as? Well, I did very well and this is good. I managed to lose another 3/4 inch off my waist, walk at least 30 minutes a day and reduce my calore intake by 100 calories this week. The only place I didn’t do so well on was on my total step count. I was down a lot of steps even though I increased my walking time. I think the problem is the fact I got a new pedometer and it’s not quite as attuned to me as it should be. Sometimes the sensitivity isn’t set correctly and I do believe this is the problem. After all...how many people actually reduce the number of steps while increasing their walking time? LOL! Not very many I’m sure.

See you all next week!

Lynn

Wiggly-Jiggly

Okay, the first day of writing down what I ate was more horrible than I could imagine for a variety of reasons. First, I had my first hormonal day in about six weeks. Now, I don’t know about you on those type of days but usually I get my butt kicked because I don’t eat like I normally eat. I tend to eat more and foods that aren’t so good for me. Things like candy and Taco Bell get into my diet on these days more than usual. And what started out as a wonderful day with a delightful breakfast of under two hundred and fifty (250) calories, turned out to be a battle from hell.

Second, I normally walk at least twenty minutes and because I was on hyper-speed from the sugar, I only got thirteen crappy minutes because I was practically jogging. Unheard of for me! LOL! But no, that wasn’t what got me this day at all. I can forgive myself one day as things happen our of our control and hormones are in that category. But this…this is almost unforgiveable…sigh.

Many times people asked me what I missed being thin and on this day, I was reminded of this more than any other part of my thin days. For whatever reason my wiggly-jiggly upper arms had my full attention on that first day of me writing down what I ate. Now, don’t ask me how I noticed this first because I can’t even tell you. All I know is I held up my arm and I noticed that the flesh around my elbow didn’t seem as tight as it had in the past. Holding up my arm a little higher, I noticed that I could get it to wiggle to and fro with very little effort. It reminded me of the song, ‘Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro.” God, the wiggly-jiggly time of my life had arrived.

I wanted to scream, I wanted to jump up and down. I wanted to have surgery to cut the offending flesh away and I wanted twenty years back when my arms were nice and firm and – and – mine. These things I don’t even know where they came from but they shouldn’t be anywhere near my body much less on it. Ugh…this did not make me feel well but only strengthened my reserve to stick with what I planned to do this time.

Add to this the fact I wanted to start everything right this time and this meant I needed to get a waist measurement as well as use my handy-dandy BMI and body fat machine to get an idea of where I stood. Now I won’t tell you those yet but maybe sometime in the future when it is far behind me but let’s suffice it to say that the machine told me my body fat was too high for it to measure. This is soooo not good. Sigh.

So…I had a horrible first day…how about the rest you ask?

Well, for such an auspicious start, surprisingly good. I actually walked everyday, lifted weights for my upper arms and recorded the good, the bad and the ugly in my food and exercise journal. And with all my faux pas, I managed to average just 1675 calories a day, walked at least 4273 steps per day, lost a couple of pounds and 1.25 inches in my waist.

Yeah, I’m on my way and feel great about it! LOL!

So the goals for next week are just an extension of this week and I’m not going to add anything new. What I would like to try and do is to subtract another 100-200 calories off my daily total while I increase my daily steps to at least 5000 steps. This will decrease my daily caloric average as well as increase my daily step average. My father-in-law the surgeon told me once I could lose weight as long as I ate three squares and walked my butt off. And he’s right. It is all a numbers game.

And this week I seemed to kick ass.

Until next week…


Lynn

Sticking To Just One

Alright, I told you all about my just one campaign, how I needed to change just one thing to get on my road to permanent weight loss? Well, I succeeded this week with my just one item which was walking every night. Notice I didn’t put a time on how much I had to walk, just that I had to do it.

Now, I’m lucky because my puppy forces me to go. So every night between 9 and 9:30, I get the DH and the puppy to walk around the block with me getting at least 15 minutes exercise which makes me feel invigorated. And I already can feel the pants being a little less tighter as well as other small incentives to keep going.

Next week, since this is almost a habit, I’m going to add another block which should add another 5 minutes to the routine. Also, I started to lift weights to help my arms during me sitting and watching TV. What better way to get my flabby arms tones? I get to feel the burn and watch my favorite shows! LOL!

Now, it’s time to choose my next item I want to change. And here I find myself tossing up two ideas at once. Do I want to write down all I eat? Or do I want to change how I look at breakfast? Well, I knew that one of my biggest problems was I had given up breakfast again up until about three weeks ago. Realizing this was one of my biggest errors in the weight lost regime, I had already started to add breakfast back into my life.

If I truly want to lose weight, I know I need to go back to the breakfast shake my naturopath had me on almost a year ago. The first couple of months, I had been on the weight loss kick when we realized that my allergy issue was overwhelming everything. So for about nine months, we concentrated on putting my allergies in a more manageable position. It worked as I haven’t had any real severe attacks for quite a while now.

So, in my eyes, we’re back to the weight loss track and I’m looking back on what seemed to work so well in that beginning. And one of those things was a breakfast shake made of skim milk, protein powder, flax seed and fresh fruit. Later I modified it to make it even better by adding orange juice instead of fresh fruit and ice making it more of a frappe than a shake. But the taste was more palatable and I looked forward to it daily.

The other item I did then was to journal everything I ate, not to point out what I had done wrong but to point out how to improve my weight loss chances. I found that journaling about life and what I ate made me very, very honest because I never knew who would pick up that journal to take a peek. I wrote down every bite and every drink. And no foods were really taboo except those we were trying to eliminate from the allergy mix. It ends up that I am not very allergic to any food but outside things, like cleaning chemicals.

So given these two choices for the one thing I wanted to change, I was in a quandary. Both were equally important to my overall goal but the real question was which one did I think I would stick to better this week. And this gave me pause to think for a few hours. But after much thought and consideration, I’ve decided to start writing down what I eat.

Now this can be very good for me as I see one of my issues is portion control. I eat all the right foods but sometimes I eat too much. And eating too much is what got me here in the first place. LOL!

See you next week when I give you a report on how well I’m doing with this aspect of my journey.

Until then…

Lynn

Updating My Story

I have a weight loss motivation problem right now and thought if I shared my story from the very beginning and what I'm doing to improve my lot, I would get the zing back.

When the phen-fen thing was going on, I found out I have a true imbalance of some kind as I was in their clinical trials of when the pharmaceutical companies put them together. With little effort, except 40 minutes of exercise daily, I lost 80 lbs in 6 months. They did weekly blood test and the meds actually changed my blood chemistry. They were going to do some more with some special testing, basically testing my brains uptake inhibitors and various other brain things to see why it worked for me, when everything was pulled from the market by FDA. I was one who never had a problem but the meds apparently fixed the chemical imbalance problem I was having. I still remember reading the doctor's book regarding it all and seeing myself in it on almost every page. As with any medication, I was able to keep that weight off for a period of almost two years when everything became very unbalanced again and I started to see my weight slowly go up. My regular GP tried to control things will anti-depressants which bombed miserably because it wasn't the right stuff and she has tried to tell me to this day it's all because of depression. I wish it were that easy. At that point, I mentally gave up and started eating what I wanted again and no exercise. When my youngest son turned diabetic I gained another 50-60 pounds due to stress. I had never gained weight in stressful situations and was shocked. When I realized just what I really weighted, as I'm at my highest weight ever, I knew things had to change. So I'm trying to change them just one thing at a time.

Food has never been my problem and frankly, I wish it had been. See, I eat all the good things just my portion control is out of whack sometimes and even with larger portions, I tend not to overeat. My problem has always been exercise. I hate and will do anything to avoid it if I can. Basically, I have just pared my calories back to about 1200, I watch the portions and carbs. And I only eat when I'm hungry again which has been a huge thing this past couple of years as trying to learn to live with a diabetic is interesting. In September, I got a puppy because our older dog, which was my DH's anyway, died and I knew if I had to walk the dog, I would get out and up. And bless his heart, the dog is relentless as he won't let me do anything without walking him at least once a day, most times two as well as actually playing with him and just moving around in general. This is very good.

I started to go to a naturopath to see what she could do for my menopause which was causing sleep issues. Then there was the part that there were some days I knew I was going crazy...LOL! Once we got those under control, she is helping me tackle the rest like allergies and weight loss. I finally seem to be on a regime with the allergies that is making life better all around. When allergy season starts, it used to be I would swell up like someone having an allergy attack. It would take months to get rid of the extra fluid and drive me nuts. Now it's only for a week max in spring and fall. Next we're going to tackle just why the phen-fen balanced all the brain chemistry and to see if anything will work naturally like the pharmaceuticals did. And overall, I think we're making a lot of progress.

And to be frank, my only problem with how things are going, is just how very slow it's all happening. So far, since September 6 when we got the puppy, I've probably lost around six pounds maybe a little more. I've got to start charting it to make sure. This is a decent weight lost but much too slow in my mind. When on the phen-fen regime, I lost a whooping 14 pounds a month without trying much at all in my opinion. So right now, my biggest issue is keeping motivated. I'm reading all I can regarding weight loss and motivation as well as talking to people like you to stay on top of it. Still, there are days I really want to chuck it all because my waist is too big, my arms are flabby and 17 yo diabetic son makes all the wrong comments in his quest to achieve this goal. And bless his heart, he's had to change everything about how he operates with the diabetes knowing that if he eats what he wants, he has to exercise his butt off with at least 1.5 hours of hard exercise for every fast food meal he has. Which he does but he doesn't get that saying to me various things just makes me sad and want to give up. He's so typically a young, unknowing male I frequently have to tell him to zip it.

Which is why I plan to stop here weekly and vent in a positive way. I know there are many authors, readers and just general people who struggle with weight daily. I'm hoping if we all support each other, we can get it off and keep it off!

Lynn

Thursday, January 15, 2009 - Day 70

Quote of the Day: Actions lie louder than words. – Carolyn Wells

Breakfast – breakfast burrito

I know it isn’t what I should be eating BUT I needed something really fast today. I couldn’t think of anything better. It was egg, cheese and a flour tort.

Lunch – Healthy Choice soup – Chicken Tortilla

I really love soup and should only be eating them and salads. But some days, like today, I just can’t get it together to have a coherent thought let alone try to maintain a diet. Still, I think I’m doing pretty well since previously I would have eaten the kitchen sink. LOL!

Dinner – Salad bar with balsamic dressing, lots of veggies

I went out to play pennies and one moment I’m not at all hungry and the next starving. What’s up with that? Some days I just don’t understand what’s going on with me.

Snacks – goldfish

Steps – 3421

Exercise – Not a lot of steps but not a lot of motivation. Again, I just don’t get it. I haven’t been able to exercise much this week nor lift weights like last week at home. Motivation is at a low right now and it could be a lot of things. Maybe EPIC, maybe writing or maybe just life.

Journal

First, I have to comment on the fact that I just can’t believe I’ve kept with this for 70 days. Other than writing and my family, I haven’t kept to anything for this long. Maybe this is a new leaf.

Yeah I know it’s a bad thing BUT I just couldn’t seem to get it together today at all. There are strange things happening to my body as well as the general apathy. One of the things is that again, I’m swelling up like a stuck pig EVEN though I am getting up and walking around at least 5 minutes every hour. I hate whatever is happening to me again because I have so much water in me I know I’m going to weigh at least 15 pounds more when I go to see Dr. G and it’s moments like these where I want to chuck it all in and just give up.

Then there’s the fact that I’m breaking out everywhere. My face, my arms, my back and some of those are places I never did as a teenager. I know menopause can really screw up a person but this is going to drive me crazy. I’ve always fluxed 10-15 pounds when my period would be. Maybe this is the PMS without the actual period. Again, another thing for Dr. G tomorrow.

And I can’t. I MUST get healthy. This isn’t an either or situation any more. This is a MUST. I am not getting younger and I personally, don’t want to die fat. I know thin is relative and I’ve never really said how thin is thin. Well, when I was talking to CR the other day, I came up with the magic range. I’d like to weight somewhere between 135-142 and while it seems an impossible goal right now, if I can just stay the course until this passes, I will be good to go for another few pounds. Sign. I will get through this, I will.

Hope this helps someone! It does me a little as now I can see how weird it all is. LOL!

Have a great day!

Lynn